And, we have a baby!

And, we have a baby!

Baby Francisco Silva has arrived, we are all in love!

Francisco was born on March 12th. Delivering Francisco was the most intense, indescribable and surreal experience I’ve ever had. I received some pitocin at noon on that Saturday and mild contractions started fairly quickly. Within a few hours, I was laboring pretty heavy. By about 6pm, I asked for an epidural however when they checked me at about 6:45pm, I was too far along and they told me to start pushing. Time goes so quickly in those intense moments. Every breath felt like seconds but last an hour. Encouraging phrases would wind through the room, in one ear and out the other. Carlos, standing right by my side, holding my hand, tears in his eyes. As my doctor and the nurses began to coach me into preparing for the final push, every ounce of feeling Francisco flowed through my body. Emotions were exploding all over, every painful sensation is felt and then quickly forgotten. And then. That exact moment. 7:43pm. Pushing Francisco over the pelvic bone and feeling him rush into the world.

9lbs, 3 ounces of the most beautiful,
perfect baby in the whole world.
21 inches of amazing.

The first 5 weeks were insane – Francisco was extra fussy and we struggled a lot with breastfeeding.  In the past week, the fussiness has calmed down and he is captivated with his surroundings. Despite trying everything nurses, doctors, the lactation consultants and the internet suggested, I was never able to get my milk supply to where it needed to be to feed our growing Francisco. I do still nurse however we follow-up every nursing session with a bottle. Not being able to breastfeed exclusively was horribly devastating. While I am thankful for being able to nurse what I can, I have had to grieve over what I am not able to do. A grieving process I never fathomed would have to happen.

Francisco’s fussiness has started to calm down and he has started to smile + laugh.

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For being an unplanned pregnancy, it truly has changed our lives. It is safe to say both Carlos and I have developed the most intense level of love with this tiny little baby that neither of us knew we needed. This whole experience has been so much more.

More intense.
More complicated.
More emotional.
More love.
More happiness.
More tiring.
More incredible
More complex.
More amazing.

More everything.

It has been six weeks since Francisco came into this world. Six weeks of a lifetime we never knew we would love so much. Six weeks of seeing Carlos fall more and more in love with this little baby we created.

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We ended up flying back to Boston on Friday, a last minute trip to visit Carlos’ family. Watching Francisco’s eyes light up when he hears Cape Verdean Creole, absorbing the words like he already understands their definitions. Dancing with his Grandma Julia, memorized by her sing song.

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I go back to work in three weeks. I am both looking forward to the routine and adult conversation, and dreading the absence of someone who has become my whole world.

Life is so unexpected, so difficult, so emotional, so perfect. The unplanned becomes natural and comfortable. Carlos and me. And Iggy. And Francisco.

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